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When JOHN MAYER says:
"I have unbelievable orgasms alone. They're always the best. They always end the way I want them to end."
What he really means is:
I have the emotional maturity of a 13-year-old. Can you bring me some fruit roll-ups and a Kleenex?
When JOHN MAYER says:
"I get less ass now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don't like jumping through hoops."
What he really means is:
Before I was famous, I actually had to bathe before women would sleep with me.
When JOHN MAYER says:
"My d*** is sort of like a white supremacist. I've got a Benetton heart and a f**kin' David Duke c**k. I'm going to start dating separately from my d**k."
What he really means is:
Hold me.
And finally...when JOHN MAYER cries and says:
"In my request to be clever I completely forgot about the people that I love and the people that love me...and that feels absolutely terrible."
What he really means is:
Oh god...I hope soccer moms keep buying my records.
The white ones, anyway.
Posted: Saturday, Feb 13 2010 at 12:39 AM
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